“Bon Vivants: 11 Stories and Habits of Highly Effective BVs.”

Written by a well-published and widely read Bon Vivant author. Me.

#1  “Join the bon-vivant!  You can too! It’s never about pedigree, and always about wit, drama, intrigue, good and stylish outfits and bohemian silliness…”

(and taking the summer off from blogging!)

We admit it.  We were more taken by Bon Vivant Country weekends than blogging…but we’re back.

Here’s the first story. Sweaty summer kids, we were invited one particular weekend by our country gentleman friend, John Favreau, to his Little Lake in Warren, Connecticut, where “How to Join the Bon Vivant Life” was encapsulated at every turn.   little marvin and I donned our best wigs, packed some BBQ chicken wings and Gatorade and set on our journey.   Above is tall little marvin on the right in the conked long straight wig and you can guess little me from the coiffed frizz, proudly rockin the hair of my people. Thankfully, the right white coif is de riguer for the country set!

Tumbling stylishly off the train, and strutting over runway-style in the bright sunshine to John, who picked us up in his white convertible Mercedes, we hopped in and drove sportily across the rolling hillettes, directly into the pedigreed land of Connecticut estates. (hold on to those chicken wings and wigs Kidz!)

Pointing out the estates of the rich and powerful, John said sportily, as an aside, that you don’t necessarily need good genes or a pedigree to hang with the “Manor born.” John’s own Vanity Fair-worthy story of Philadelphia society in the 80’s got us thinking if this were true.  In my own home town of Brotherly Love, John played house-boy host to this century’s most notable Bon Vivants from Nancy Brewster Grace, Henry McIlhenny to Lady Sarah Churchill, to Hope Montgomery Scott, the woman who inspired the Oscar-winning film, The Philadelphia Story andwhomVanity Fair once called “the unofficial queen of Philadelphia‘s WASP oligarchy.”  John traveled the world with notable Salonist and photographer of the whole scene, Gloria Bragiotti Etting.  I recalled my favorite W. Somerset Maugham quote, ” It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.”

Could it be that anybody can charm the charmed society?  Armed only with grand vision, a sense of generosity about oneself and others and seeking the best of the best?  I was inspired to explore the subject.  I am neither a Self-Help Author or Fashion Journalist but these Eleven Stories, Quotes, Anecdotes and Habits from Eleven Real Bon Vivants, from Dame Vivienne Westwood to Francine du Plessix Gray, can set you on your path to better living!

#2  Wake People up like Showy, Strutting Roosters!

We’ve arrived! Are you not happy?  Be and Welcome showy guests such as Pamela Anderson, Vivienne Westwood and Andreas Kronthaler and fun is immediately assured.  John does. He routinely hosts guests ranging a house full of photo shoot producers and models from Gradient magazine to a lively, costumed crowd at a pirate themed party attended by neighbors including Richard and John of Lambertson & Truex and Privet, their haute shop; trend spotter and paper-doll designer, David Wolfe: Author, Amanda Hallay and Painter, Pierre Hale and of course…us.

#3 “Survival of The Fittest! Nature and Society eats whatever is

boring, injured, useless or dumb.” so says John.

John Favreau is a most elegant country gentleman, one who owns lots of bucolic land, cans his own home-made jam and can be equally consumed with the foxes on Wall Street or the foxes attempting to get into his home-made chicken roost.  Clearly you either eat or get eaten, and the facts of life are somehow more raw when they float just beneath a postcard pretty scene.  Nature’s thorns and thistles of life are abundant and we have the choice to corral our survival tendencies into Fear or equal ourselves to elements of Nature and moment to moment seek how to live the good life by being useful.

The Ultimate Bon Vivant is Nature herself, laughing at our Sisyphean tasks within her wilds, such as my task to be fascinated with Bon Vivants, perhaps as dumb to Nature as Fitzcarraldo’s Opera House in the Amazon and even the making of such as recently described in Werner Herzog’s obscene jungle love in Conquest of the Useless.

I pondered on this given my reading for the trip, Black Elk, The Sacred Ways of A Lakota, on the simple, multi-universe lives of Black Elk and his channupa pipe. Part of my attempt to try to be all Thoreau-like in the country hence, resulting in my best Man vs. Nature BV habit advice which is to Join The Cult of The Appreciative No Matter What or Where You Are and:

#4  When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

#5  Give Good Story.  “The ability to be a raconteur is key,” says John.

#6    Lose The Youth.  Hang with Elders, the wise and cultured.

#7 Claim intriguing genes!

“My mother enjoyed claiming direct descent from Genghis Khan,” which gave her “…both the aristocratic pedigree and the freedom to be a barbarian.” said Francine du Plessix Gray.

Alex was a noted artist and later the longtime editorial director of Vogue magazine and then of Condé Nast Publications. The Libermans were pure party people in media, art and fashion circles.  His BV advice was to preserve one’s personal life, to identify one’s instinct, and never to carry packages for people. Francine came to Connecticut when she married the painter Cleve Gray. Content to keep the drama of suffering to her biographies of the Marquis de Sade and Simone Weil, as the New York Times said, she turned her back on the high life and instead made some great pies.

In honor of John’s costume and crossing the tracks and highways of social boundaries, the rest of these tips are shallowly slave to how mere fashion and affectations can deliver one to the right circles.

#10  “Own, Display and Wear Tribal Symbols Brightly and Irreverently…never, ever wear them in tribes though,” says Me, “Pick a country or street club trademark…

like Plaids, Tartans, Monograms or Gang Bandanas…just rock it smartly and incessantly!”                                                                                                                            

little marvin, Jade and John sartorially Cavort in Connecticut

My room at John’s was the perfect mix of “Tribal Symbols.” Both the Call of the Wild and the Call of the Cultured surrounded me, from the lush sand colored kangaroo skin bedspread to the Pierre Hale hand-painted ceiling border with Nina Simone lyrics running the circumference…”It’s a new dawn, It’s a new day. It’s a new life, for me, And I’m feeling good.”

On an elegant side table was a signed copy of Gloria’s sleek little photography book of high society and artists from the 1970 and 80’s on top of a signed copy of a huge coffee table book for the color and history addicted fashion slaves called “Tartan, Romancing The Plaid.”

Tartans, whale print pants and feather boas, Medieval chastity belts and flowing fine wine …tribes, tribal symbols and people are always best mixed.

If you want expert advice on how to wear tartan, see Mr. Peacock’s recent post here.

They say the word “tartan” comes from the French word, “tirer” translating “to pull”, but I hear the etymology of tartan in the word “tantra” in Sanskrit, which means “to weave.” Most people associate the word tantra just with sexual practices, in which weaving certainly is required, however it actually refers to a universal weaving of desire, energies, elements and people.  Perhaps this is a key root to the symbolism of tartan and its visual tribal metaphor for “belonging” whether it is society or a rejection of society.  It always reads passion and a rich expression.

Jeffrey Banks, the author of Tartan, Romancing The Plaid, writes, “But tartan is more than a design, it is a sign; and while it signifies kinship (real or imagined), country, and celebration of the Scots, its subtext is dignity, distinctiveness and a sense of belonging- qualities that possess universal appeal.”

Philadelphia Number Story #5. Reading Jeffrey’s book, I recalled my own first odd meeting of tartan and world views at my Jewish father’s children’s clothing store, where he would outfit the Catholic parochial school children in their tartan uniforms. I watched them as if they were wild animals from afar in my chic Petit Bateau T and Dittos hipster jeans. The tiny Catholic children had the odd mixed face of trying to look excited about their new unsightly uniform while pain and confusion darted beneath their eyes.  I suppose this memory did much to cement my ideas of personal style, religion and the passion for the bon vivant life.

Dame Vivienne Westwood gives good arrivals and is one of the best examples of a Bon Vivant.  Westwood orange follows Vreeland red follows Shiparelli pink. Her husband, Andreas Kronthaler follows gang bandanas, follows Malcolm McLaren and they all follow tribal mash-ups to supreme effect.

#11 A.  Reference Nature and Eastern Mysticism Often.   

Madonna, The Beatles, Rasputin, Marquis de Sade, Mata Hari, James Bond, Sarah Palin, Madame Blavatsky, all Bon Vivant seducers whose sultry mix of the sacred and profane references hit the spot.  Try these Bon Vivant requirements on for size courtesy of the above characters, a quirky historic account of the mysterious Madame Blavatsky, Robert Greene’s book, The Art of Seduction and my own inventions.