Winter Transformed. Trend #3 SELF-MADE



Wintry mix in #‎NYC‬ this week…we are finding our own mix + warmth as usual in fluff from flashy awards + fashion shows, and snarky media, to nature and the esoteric.

We’ve spotted 9 trends, c’mon follow our series for instant transformation of the deep chill,

*from group sleepovers at the home of a dominatrix to astonishing tinder surveys to star-shaped snowflakes to…*

#3  self-made everywhere!

Sleep no more! Wait no more!
It’s not everyday you get an evening invite to the home of a A Real Dominatrix to cuddle and watch a classic movie with 20 gal pals. One thing was clear, this “Domme” was a SELF-MADE woman!  Maybe it’s the backlash (no pun intended) from the incessant whippings everywhere (!) of 50 Shades of Grey.  Or maybe it’s the subtle surfing of emotional accomplishment that a woman-dominatrix represents, this appeals, simply and suddenly, that the gift of transformation, play, and magic appear in her midst.


“We all have so many sides of ourselves, so many rich personalities living deep within us that want to play, that never get a chance to have their existence validated.” says The Real Dominatrix. “We end up playing with the same ones over and over again, ad nauseum, and our cultural myth of a single ego/identity does nothing to help. The tyranny of consistency in communication and being will kill us all or bore us to death. It’s responsible for so much of the gray, restless dissatisfaction that is rampant.”

Are you surprised that The Real Dominatrix is also an artist and this photo below is by her?

Kasia Urbaniak
The idea of SELF-MADE today is much more than a person who has created wealth or a persona “without inheritance” or from nothing. There are more of these types than ever before, I see this idea as literally the option for all of us to recognize that to play, to be the changeling, is the whole truth.

Every altar is for sacrifice in the name of LOVE, whether in the name of spirituality, sex play or beyond.  The gold of SELF-MADE is enlightenment itself, the un-bounding of fixed roles. Becoming the altar for someone else in the name of LOVE is the highest play. We explore this making in roles, genders and disguises and venerate those venturing goes beyond the limits of a 50% Mommy, 50% Daddy composition, those leaping into the 100% universal energetic playground!

“I am what I am because of who we all are” is a rallying cry and definition for humanity, and also defines that relationships and the roles we play are integral to individuality.

Now, mind you, I live in NYC, full of the most fascinating, passionate SELF-MADE individuals in the world. However, Houston, we have a problem. Too many of us sophisticates are clueless on who we are and what we want in relationships. For example, take this experiment on Thrillist recently:



That’s the boys, girls…worse:


They joke, they say Paris, they say Chuckie Cheese, and lastly, sadly, the Thrillist Tinder dating experiment here, revealed that a majority of average, submissive woman, when asked where they want to go on a date, have no clue how to tell a man where their desire is.


Have these gals not heard of The Law of Attraction? Where are their Spirit Animals???


#AskHerMore is not a hashtag regarding your dominatrix or dullard potential date, it was a campaign on the red carpets at this season’s award shows spearheaded by Reese WitherspoonShonda Rhimes, and Amy Poehler’s Smart Girlsdecrying the typical reporter questions to women emphasizing who dressed/made them vs. more thoughtful questions on their art. While I applaud this focus, basic media training insists one take the ‘bull by the horns’ in one’s response to any reporter question! Stop whining lady stars! A Real Dominatrix would seamlessly and creatively mention one’s outfit, the symbolism, and make a statement about oneself in one breath.

Artist/Changeling/Madonna does this every time. Her toreador outfit choice placed her again as the Top Domme of Play. Even her Rebel Heart lyrics taunted the bulls and nay-sayers of her signature metamorphosis with: “I’ve shed my skin, Letting it go and I’ll start again, start again, Never look back.” 

(and, I say we can really celebrate when men can be as free as the women to play this way on the red carpet!)


The Madonna gets points for always being on the make…the SELF-MAKE. Peep her soul bearing comments on ‘regrets’ which are actually way more SELF-revealing and inspiring than her outfits:

“Everyone has regrets. I have regrets for the smaller things, which ultimately are the bigger things in life. For instance, I regret not being more grateful certain times in my life. I regret not being more compassionate. I regret not saying I’m sorry. I don’t have any career regrets. I have human-being regrets.”



‘Taking the bull between the horns,’ dominating and by turns giving in to another was an ancient ritual sport, today the ritual is played out in bedrooms to balance the beasts of boardrooms, schoolrooms, and everywhere we make our selves.

My favorite new take on meeting oneself in another, leaping in faith with one’s raging bullish desires, is the boy meets girl dance in Eugenio Recuenco‘s video,Toro, playing out underneath a big symbol of a bull. Dancing with aggression and passion tames the beast…something like LOVE.  The setting, the lonely highway, the lonely mountain top, the play back and forth of emotion, posturing the SELF, drawn to, and pilgrimaging towards the MADE.

Take a run with us and the bulls here, a condensed version of the video’s visual treats.

The Bull

He is The Bull, stands his ground on his mountain, albeit, his projected self, propped up.

girl, smoking

She sees him on the mountain, from below, taking her time to ponder moving towards him.

girl smoking

She begins towards him, fluffy, pink.

girl, bathing suit

She bares more, as the pace picks up, a Venus in a Rudi Gernreich-ish bathing suit.

moment of doubt

He then is the Doubter, he demurs, like a child on a swing, hiding, he sacrifices his masculinity. Or does he?


She is the Pioneer. She advances, cocooned in black, with one red stripe of passion, a Venus in fur.

girl seeking

She is the seeker, red passion on her foundation, soft pink at her heart.

man combs hair

The male god grooms, he waits in rebel stance, albeit in surrendering white.

man smoking

Back in black, he postures, he watches her.

yellow girl

She re-evaluates. She is the sun, the tart lemon, the winged bird.

Come together

They meet. She is silvery, fluid, a mirror. What happens next? Aha! The Real Dominatrix would never tell the ending! See for YOURSELF the Toro video from Eugenio Recuenco here.



LOVE or HATE on Kanye the Controversial, in a stance most vulnerable, a recent interview by Dirk Standon in reveals how he took a whipping and kept on ticking.

On Kanye the Versatile as a fashion designer, previously submissive to the fashion press, now getting all SELF-MADE with it:

“I realized that it had all been a scam, that it had all been smoke and mirrors to present this concept that a straight black guy out of Chicago that’s a rapper, that’s married to a reality star, could somehow not design a coat, that can’t design a T-shirt, that can’t have enough of an opinion. You know, it’s like voting. Fashion is merely an opinion.”

Perhaps Kanye intrigues for all his ego, his fumbling, his vulnerability. There is the key. It’s not hidden by drugs, handlers, or a refined, bogus pretension. Nope, he’s all there, raw, un-censored, SELF-MADE, figuring it out, and the hell with what everyone else thinks.


TREND SPOTTING: “You’re the Director!” challenges goddess-like Vanda to her sub-boy- director in Venus in Furs from Roman Polanski. It’s my favorite line, see here my previous post on the same movie The Real Dominatrix screened the night of our sleepover. (so worth seeing twice!)  Then here’s just one of millions now, a SELF-MADE blogger, Instagram-conquering gal, Aimee Song, constantly looking fabulous and my biggest props, she’s a DIY’er, hand-making her clothes!, here she is in her $ELF-MADE shirt above and below. Did she make this shirt? If you are too busy to care or making your millions, you can get her look for less with a Rick Ross T here. I imagine she made it, while domme-dancing somewhere, rapping with Ross, “Born to win, Look around, From the projects to the penthouse, Our vision never changed, we SELF-MADE.”

HOW TO’s: If you are still feeling clueless, the name of the Dominitrix is Kasia Urbaniak.  No link, she’s not good at marketing, she says. If you want it, you have to go and get it. Ladies, she’s offering classes, men…you’re on your own. (update…the anti-marketer, The Real Dominatrix has deigned, and gives her digits thusly…


(and yep, group sleepovers at the home of a dominatrix was the teaser,
I’ve out with it.
Will you still read the next 6 in the series? Say it. YES, Mistress, I will😉

%d bloggers like this: